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It’s the first Monday of December! Hopefully, you know what that means. If not, I guess I’ll tell you: it’s time foranother episode of Once Upon a Pixel, the webseries that explores an alternate universe where videogames do not exist. But that doesn’t mean their stories, characters and situations are never created and used. So far, we’ve seen whatMetal Gear SolidandBioshockwould be like if they were children’s stories, and whatKatamari Damacywould be like as a graphic novel....

Since we heard you loveGears of WarKinect rumors, here’s a doozy courtesy of the March 2011 issue ofOfficial Xbox Magazine: it’s not even a shooter. In the magazine’s small “Crystal Ball” rumors box (across from a picture of energy-boosting beef jerky), the gaming psychics write: “What’s theGears of WarKinect game, you ask? The Ball suggests it could be a fatality-laden, COG-versus-Locust Thrashball spin-off in the vein ofMutant League Football.” Well, okay then....

Industry analyst Michael “Drippy Sausage” Pachter has givenNintendo’s Wii Ua lashing from the merciless scalpel that is his tongue. According to the quintessential moonlit lover, Nintendo’s latest home console has arrived on the scene too late and has a rubbish name to boot. “The most impactful ‘reveal’ at the show was the Wii U, which, in our opinion, is arriving two years too late,” he said. “Depending on pricing, the system will be either a phenomenal success or a phenomenal failure, as competitive bundles for Xbox 360 with Kinect and PS3 with Move are likely to be priced below $300 by the time the Wii U launches....

Like the Kentucky Derby, THQ’sConanisdecadent and depraved. And like Hunter S. Thompson’s essay, “The Kentucky Derby is Decadent and Depraved,” Conan is totally over the top, hilarious, and vulgar. Some might writeConanoff as apoor man’sGod of War. Other’s may criticize it’s humdrum environments and enemies, or even bemoan it’s graphics. Some might even complain that Nihilistic, the game’s developer, has a less than awesome track record. However, technically inferior it may be, Conan remains one of my favorite games from PAX — not because it brings something new and exciting to the hack-and-slash/adventure genre, but because, for whatever reason, it had Miguel, Phist, and I giggling like small children....

The PC is the most famous format when it comes to videogame piracy. That doesn’t mean it’snotrampant elsewhere, but personal computers have certainlyearned the stigmaafter years of abuse. However, the PC Gaming Alliance claims things aren’t as bad as they used to be. “There are stats that do corroborate that,” claimed PCGA president Matt Ployhar. “I’m not saying that piracy is going to go away. It’s fascinating to watch. For example, you get a game likeCrysisthat got hit hard by piracy....

The above video features new footage ofPokeparkfor the Wii from a segment of a Japanese show called Sunday Poke… ahem, excuse me… SUNDAY POKEMON NEWS! From the actions of the person in a giant pokemon costume and the excited voice-over I’m thinking we should be really excited for what’s about to come on screen. Let’s take a look. OH DEAR GOD IT BURNS! For the love of everything holy I hope the gameplay in the video above is from a really, really early build of the game because, as Jonathan Holmes pointed out, it looks like a first generation GameCube game....

We’ve played the originalBejeweled Twistand liked it, although it’s to be noted that the game is harder than the originalBejeweledand definitely presents a steeper level of challenge. Fans of the title will be happy to hear that PopCap has announcedBejeweled Twist Mobile, which will be available for a wide variety of mobile phones in the very near future. The game was already available as an exclusive for Verizon Wireless customers, but its success has pushed it further!...

November is a time of giving thanks and crawling over piles of shameless soccer moms in order to fight for the latest stuffed animal that the television told them they needed. Of course, smart people are doing all their Black Friday shopping online, and PopCap Games is going to help ’em. The popular studio is slashing the prices of all its PC and Mac games in half until the end of the month....

Casual game maker PopCap have been making a lot of big moves lately, partnering with social media site RenRen to bring their games to China and (finally) heading on to the Android platform by signing an exclusive deal with Amazon.com. All of this aggressive action might in part be because the company is getting ready for the initial public offering they’ve beenhinting atfor months. In a report from Reuters, PopCap CEO David Roberts has been quoted saying the company is, “very much in the process of preparing a listing,” and that stocks could be trading as early as November....

Look, we all liked the Dreamcast. But it’s time to get over that sh*t. I have one, in my closet, stacked with all those old games that I loved. The reality is that most of those great games have survived since the death of Sega’s last console. I playChuChu Rocket!on my phone, and there’s that nifty DC collection that was recently released on Xbox 360. It’s time to move on!...

High Voltage’s upcoming first-person shooter for the Wii is looming on the horizon, and we at Destructoid got some early, exclusive coverage. Eric Nofsinger, the Chief Creative Officer of High Voltage Software, allowed us some hands-on time with this highly-anticipated Wii title, and revealed some new details aboutConduit 2, as well as some other “secret projects.” From what I’ve played, Conduit 2is an improvement from the original in perhaps every way possible....

At a Namco Bandai Pre-E3 preview event last week, another games press member and I mulled over what upcoming PS3/Xbox 360 titleMajin and the Forsaken Kingdomreminded us of. It took awhile. There were scenery elements that brought us back to Team Ico’s work in games likeIcoandShadow of the Colossus. Other design elements reminded of a Studio Ghibli animation, and in the best way. The whole big guy/little guy made me think of the upcoming gameThe Last Guardian, and the game’s combat featuring the duo reminded me of RPGWhite Knight Chronicles....

Ah, post-apocalyptia. Humans have always seemed to have a peculiar fascination with the End of the World, from the Bible all the way through, well,Terminator Salvation, theupcoming filmstarring Christian Bale as John Connor. It’s set to hit theaters on May 21st, and a videogame based on the movie will be released the same month. Earlier this month, I was given an eyes-on demo of an early build of the game, a third-person shooter being developed by GRIN (the same studio behind the current-genBionic CommandoandWanted: Weapons of Fate)....