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Here’s an unsettling Valentine’s Day gift for you: chocolate lollippops featuring floating eyeballs and screaming baby heads. A medium-sized box of these things arrived at Destructoid’s Baltimore office today, courtesy of Electronic Arts to promote the upcoming Grasshopper Manufacture game,Shadows of the Damned. The pops were designed bySweet Tooth Confections, out of Alviso, California. They are, in two words, both tasty and terrifying. Even better news, and probably more relevant to you, is that the package also confirmed thatShadows of the Damnedwill be playable for the first time during GDC....

Here is a selection of screenshots featuring people looking like dicks in front of Kinect’s bigEyePetknock-off,Kinectimals. If you’ve ever wanted to jump around in front of a sentimental tiger, then Microsoft has the answer for all five of you! Joking aside,Kinectimalslooks to be among the most compelling of Kinect’s first-party lineup, although that’s not saying much amidst all the casual crap and an on-railsHarry Potter. I can at least imagine scraping a modicum of fun from this game, as opposed to waving my arms around and watching some ginger rat-faced wizard toddle off on his own accord....

I love me some Pew! Pew! Pew! games. I’m maybe not as hardcore as a certain Bee Dog man, but I still like them.Assault Heroes 2brings back the formula from the original title and adds a few new elements for the sequel. You control a tank that has four different upgradeable weapons as you make your way through hordes and hordes of enemy bullets and lasers. The tanks can shoot bullets, fire and explosives, and you also have grenades and nukes as part of your arsenal of pain....

Matt Hazard along with all of his geeky references and faux history full of games will be present inMatt Hazard: Blood Bath and Beyond, aside-scrolling shooterfor Xbox LIVE Arcade and PlayStation Network. On top of the big news that the game will be available on January 6 for Xbox 360 and then the day after for PS3, we have been given a price, too: 1200 Microsoft Points/$14.99. Also, Matt’s sidekick Dexter Dare — the guy depicted chugging mana in the attached gallery (he has a problem) — has been revealed....

Of course Sony isn’t pleased with the rapidly growing jailbreaking scene for their PlayStation 3 console. They’re showing that they mean business lately, though: Sony is even out to find the sites related to the jailbreaking PS3 scene. At PSX-Scene they’ve acquired court documents that detail what Sony’s legal team is up to, and it seems that they’re out to get sites that are even hosting tutorials on jailbreaking. They’re keeping tabs not only on PSJailbreak, but alsoPSGroove, PSFreedom,andOpenPSJailbreak....

The above poor quality screengrab comes fromthis videowhich reveals theStar Wars-themedSoulcalibur IVstage to the world. Called the “Star Destroyer Landing Bay,” it appears to be based on a classic scene fromReturn of the Jedi, when The Emperor first made his grisly appearance. The Death Star in the background is pretty bloody awesome. The video’s origins aren’t entirely known, but if the voices in it is anything to go by, we can ascertain that it came from people with very obnoxious and loud voices....

Square Enix is looking after European weeaboos who need a dose ofPersona 4and some NIS classics, as itwill be bringingAtlus’ latest PS2 RPG, along withDisgaea DS,Rhapsody DSandDisgaea 3to the PAL territories. Usually, the duties of distributing Atlus and NIS games in Europe go to Koei, but it seems that Squeenix has pipped theDynasty Warriorspublisher to the post. Whatever the publisher, this is sure to make RPG fans in the region happy....

Before you get your hopes up, know that famed game developer Suda Goichi says that you won’t see aNo More Heroes 3soon. He just knows that he wants to make it someday. “Although it won’t happen soon, I’d like to do it at some point,” Suda51 said at a Grasshopper Manufacture charity event.Andriasangsays that on stage he pointed to character designer Yusuke Kozaki and mecha designer Shigeto Koyama and added, “Let’s make it together....

Now here’s a mini-game I haven’t given any thought in years.Super Soviet Missile MastarfromAlien Hominidismaking the leapto iPhone and iPad — possibly as early as next month. And it’s going to be free. Honestly, I think it’s for the best that The Behemoth isn’t charging. Not that no one would buy an iOS version ofSSMMor anything. Plenty would, I’m sure. But this way it can be a feel-good event that hopefully raises awareness for the studio’s newer stuff....

Looks like Edmund McMillen’sinitial write-up on game designis turning into a series, as he’s just thrown up a new post on how important it was to create an inspiring risk and reward system forSuper Meat Boy. Among other things, Edmund makes reference to the extremely effective risk/rewards systems found in such classics asPac-ManandSuper Mario Bros, and how he applied and tweaked those systems for use in his own game. This kind of stuff is the closest thing we have to anUnderstanding Comics-equivalent for videogames....

It’s fitting that I sawAsura’s WrathalongsideDragon’s Dogmaat TGS, because both their titles sound like euphuisms for diarrhea. This is kind of ironic becauseAsura’s Wrathis kind of the opposite of liquid crap rushing out of your ass. By this, I mean it’s quite enjoyable and worth seeking out. Even after the Captivate and E3 preview builds of the game, many mysteries surround this title but the inherent quality of it becomes more and more apparent....

It’s almost too painful to watch this because both of these videos show just what happens when you decide to screw around withSuper Mario Bros.for the PC. You couldn’t pay me to play this game all the way through like this, though. It’s certainly fun to watch for a few minutes, but trying to play it without being able to tell what’s going on, plus the horrible audio, is just too much to bear....

So Axe Cop is the greatest comic ever. Who knew a five-year-old could write such a badass comic series? The Monthly Musings are back, Jim reviewed some iPhone games, Nick checked outJoe Danger,Super Street Fighter IVneeds a catch phrase, Jill Sandwich and more happened on 06/01/10. Destructoid Originals:Exclusive: Screens for Luc Bernard’s Reaper & Mecho TalesMonthly Musing: The Great EscapeNew releases/contest: Alpha Protocol and moreCommunity:Community blogs of 06/01/10Forum of the day:DtoidEurope: EuroNARP3 the fight of the citygroups!...