When I see information about a game’s Achievements, I generally skip over it. I could probably find something better to do with 30 seconds of my life than read an Achievement list. I could watch some paint dry orgive myself elf ears. Prurient debauchery, however, catches my attention.
Fortunately for us, Peter Molyneux’srecently-datedopus, Fable 2,is just depraved enough to keep my attention, if its Achievement list is anything to go by. Highlights of the list include: getting villagers drunk, getting a tattoo, practicing polygamy, punting a chicken, gambling, thievery, and various other acts of skullduggery and ribaldry.
you may also get five Gamerpoints for having an orgy, provided that you do it “responsibly.”
While you try to wrap your mind around the implications and requirements of a responsible orgy, let me pose a few more questions. Should I assume that there are pharmacies inFable 2from which I can procure condoms? Or at least a gas station bathroom with a condom dispenser that costs $0.75 and you have to put three quarters in at once? What are condoms made of in faux-medieval Europe? Wood?
The games industry might be juvenile and sex-obsessed, but no one can deny that Peter Molyneux gets a spot in whichever heaven you might believe in for giving us a chance to have an orgy. Responsibly.
Full list after the jump!
[ViaXbox360Achievements]
The Paragon – 15gReach 100% Good or Evil.The New Hero – 50gDefeat your first great opponent.
The Whippersnapper – 25gCollect 5 gold pieces during the Hero’s childhoodthe Pooch Pamperer – 5gPlay fetch with your dog.
The Archaeologist – 5gDig up something your dog has discovered
The Dog trainer – 5gteach your dog a trick.
The persuader – 5gConvince a villager to give you a present
The Show-off – 5gImpress a villager with a perfect expression
The Romantic – 10gtake a villager on a perfect date.You will need the right location and expression.
The spouse – 10gMarry a villager.
The Parent – 10ghave a child.The hunter – 5gKill a sweet,innocent,fluffy bunny rabbit(remember,safety’s off!)
The Gargoyle – 25gFind the gargoyles Legendary Treasure.
The Chicken Kicker – 5gkick a chicken a respectable distance. As if kicking chickens was remotely respectable.
The Cliff Diver – 5gCliff dive 500 feet.
The Workhorse – 10gGet a high enough chain while performing a job.
The Hero of Many Names -5gChange your heros titleThe Teaser – 5gGet bandits to respond to expressions with fear,anger,mirth,and confusion. During combat!
The Property Magnate – 10gSell a property for twice the price you paid for it.The Rogue – 5gsomething undetected from a building while there are people nearby.
The Illustrated hero – 5gTattoo every part of your hero’s body.
The Executioner -1 0gSacrifice 10 people in the Temple of Shadows.
The Gambler – 10gWin 500 gold at a pub game in one sitting, having tried each game type at least once.
The Bigamist – 10gget married a second time, whilst still married to your first spouse.
The Swinger – 5gTake part in an orgy, responsibly
The Pied Piper – 10gStart a party where at least 5 villagers are dancing.
The Party Animal – 10gGet 15 villagers drunk in under three minutes
The menace to Society – 5gCommit an act of public indecencyThe Black Knight – 10gShoot the weapons from a hollow man’s hands, blow off his head and then kill him for good!
The Duelist – 10gString together a full-speed chain attack
The highwayman – 10ghit 3 enemies with one shot.
The Archmage – 10gKill 5 human enemies with one spell.
The Ruler of Albion – 100gIncrease the value of your real estate holdings to over 2.5 million gold!The Hoarder – 25gCollect every silver key.The Goth – 5gDye your hair black, wear an outfit made entirely out of black clothes, and wear some black makeup.The Completionist – 50gGet all expressions, pet tricks, titles and abilities.
The Extremist – 15gReach 100% purity or corruption.
The celebrity – 50gReach 50,000 Renown.
The Artisan – 10gSucceed at one job to Level 5
The Dollcatcher – 10gCollect all the hero dolls.The Muse – 5gInspire the Bard to compose songs celebrating your great deeds.The Companions – 10gPerform a perfect co-op expression.
The blood brother – 10gget a co-op combat bonus.
The Philanthropist – 10gSend a gift to an xbox live friend.The Hero of strength – 100gComplete the Hero of StrengthThe hero of Will – 100gComplete the Hero Of will.
The hero of Skill – 100gComplete the hero of SkillThe Sacrifice – 25gChoose “The needs of the many”The Family – 25gChoose “The needs of the few”The Egomaniac – 25gChoose “The needs of the one”
