There’s nothing I like more than kinky sex in dangeous situations, like fellatio in a lion’s cage or bondage play with jars of scorpions and firecrackers.
Since that has nothing to do with this story though, let’s assume I said “there’s nothing I like more than two websites bitching at each other over trivial matters,” which is exactly what’s going on between cash-laden corporate games siteIGNand publicly beloved web comicPenny Arcade.
This story gets a bit long and stupid, so please hit the jump unless you have something better to do like masturbating or breathing in.
The story so far:
Do you rememberAssassin’s Creed? It was a game that came out a few weeks back (approximately four years ago Internet Standard Time) that was met with a firestorm of conflicting reviews. Some people loved it, some people hated it, most of you focused unnecessarily on its producer’s breasts, and the only thing people could eventually agree on is that it did, in fact, exist. Penny Arcade, a site known for applying metric ass loads of verbalization to the virtual page,went on at great lengthabout how it was an amazing experience, how it folded their laundry and how they even got to second base with the game after a night drinking Coronas and watchBreakfast at Tiffany’s.
In a then-unrelated move, IGNreviewed the titleand gave it a stunningly low “7.7” — the mainstream-site equivalent of some kind of fictional negative number that’s been divided by zero merely to show how much disdain the reviewer had for the title. By comparison our own Rev Anthonygave the game a “5.5”— the Destructoid equivalent of a flashing neon “12” covered in porno and glitter.
Since Rev escaped the view of PA’s Gabe by virtue of his ability to blend into his surroundings like some kind of frightened lizard, Gabe insteadbitchedabout mainstream sites like IGN by twice slinging verbal hot-fire that could very easily be construed as meaning that IGN takes bribes and/or eats children. Here at Destructoid we take our jobs as purveyors of truth very seriously so while we cannot claim IGN has ever taken a bribe, I’ve personally seen certain IGN staffers kick the homeless and menstruate on crucifixes.
Here’s where things get interesting: in IGN’srecent podcastone of IGN’s resident residents waxes bitchcakes about Gabe’s words onAssassin’s Creed. Gabe, in turn, responds the only way he knows how:hugeblocks of text. Have a look:
